Nothing is more terrifying than being inside your own mind.
The fears. The pain. The obscure, irrational and sometimes obscene thoughts that can enter your mind are terrifying and sacred to all of us. There are many good ones in there as well, but more often than not, we are beating ourselves up, putting ourselves or others down and not really understanding the reality of many situations we find ourselves in.
Imagine if ALL your thoughts were published on a scrolling board in Times Square for everyone to see!
I like being alone, inside my own mind, dealing with those things that hurt. I enjoy trying to understand the realities from the falsehoods. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment.
This wasn’t always true. In the past, I would push everything down. I would do whatever I could to not feel…anything.
The issue, for me, was that I could never move forward because I never dealt with anything. I didn’t know how to cope. I wasn’t able to truly change. Everything was lateral.
I was fooling myself. If I was going to start changing for the better. If I was going to understand myself and the world around me better, I had to actually feel the emotions of those thoughts. I had to suss out the reality from the delusion.
Being alone is scary. I’ve come to enjoy my ability to be by myself and do what I do. There is nothing wrong with a little self-love. Much of this started with a broken heart but has morphed into really finding out who I am.
I’ve started to like who I am. I’ve begun to enjoy figuring things out for myself. My mind isn’t as scary as it was before and neither is being alone to help determine what I actually enjoy in this world. We can only make ourselves happy in the end.
Ironically, it’s made me more empathetic. You find yourself understanding things people are going through more because you can identify those emotions from your own experiences. You can put yourself in their shoes and get a feeling of what they may be dealing with.
Solitude doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Superman had an entire fortress dedicated to it.